Dear Abby, What are We Going to Do with Our Roommate “S”

Dear Abby:

A few minutes ago, [11 a.m., 5-2-18] “R” returned to this property. He went out back and grabbed mop heads and BBQ equipment. He also demanded that I write him a check, this one for $50.

Another unsettling event [6:30 p.m. on April 21) happened while I was lying in bed, someone came into my room without knocking. The familiar man was followed by “M”.

‘M’ mentioned that he would be moving back here. ‘M’ did not say that he was moving in immediately.

Is this property becoming a care home, like “A” has on Evergreen?

When I moved here in November, this property was an unlicensed SLE with a resident House Manager. I can handle change but it is really hard for me now as I try to rehabilitate my health.

For the record,

  • On Monday I had an Lumbar-5 procedure on my left side.
  • Tuesday, I received a cortisone shot in my right shoulder.
  • Thursday, I received Orthovasc silicone injections into both knees.
  • Next Tuesday, I get a second opinion from a psychiatrist at Palo Alto Medical Foundation.
  • Ten days ago, I had skin cancer removed from my left cheek (face, not butt ;<) ).
  • This coming Tuesday, I will be returning from same-day surgery. PAMF is doing an endoscopy and I will need to rest for 24 hours afterwards. (oops, Dr. Scott found an ulcer in my small intestine).

A couple weeks ago you offered to move me to the rear BR that was occupied about 2 years by “R”. Almost every day, I have done something to try to clean up the room. It is entirely unfurnished, so I have looked into renting furniture from Cort and getting installation from Xfinity/ Comcast. I’d estimate that rental contracts with Cort and Xfinity would cost $230 and $160 each, respectively. Ms. A. H.” want to rent it furnished. Well, I am have accepted your kind offer.

As one with a recognized disability receiving SS income and trying to supplement my income by writing and publishing, these potential rental arrangements may or may not be viable.

In the meantime, I invited my acquaintances – Matthew and Marie – to take a look at this property. Both are able to take care of themselves, become great housemates, and work for the owner. [I wrote the above a couple hours ago. What follows below was written after 9:00 p.m.]

“S”, in my opinion, is not at all ideal for this household. Furthermore, I from weeks of experience know that he will be a terrible roommate or housemate for me.

The over-riding concern is not his lack of personal hygiene. Not the fact that he appears to be completely deaf and dumb (unable to speak). Poor Scott is ill and not able to take care of himself. In the past, “S” has made no effort to go see doctors or a dentist.

In fact, “S” had agreed with “R” to go to the dentist at UCSF and an appointment was made for February 20. “S” stayed here the entire day.

Dental health may be a minor health issue for “S”. I believe his mental and physical health is very poor. Who will be responsible?

I do not know of anyone who could tolerate “S’s” behavior.

Gross behavior, making noise, and being unwilling to communicate (in writing) or otherwise are additional issues.

Frankly speaking, “S” habitually cuts farts, making no effort to leave the room, go outside, or go sit on the toilet.

“K” said he would manage “S”. During the first 4 hours, I have not seen anything “Ka / Ke” has done to help “S”. Something as simple as using the shower or eating dinner has not been offered to “S”. Now, “K” is out-of-town for weeks, I assume.

Living around “R” was very difficult. Sure, he was a “bully” but he tried to be considerate and urge others to contribute to maintaining the house. With “S”, I have seen little effort put forth on his part to maintain the physical conditions of the house during the weeks we roomed together during January, February, and March.

Note that “S” left suddenly on his own. Packing up and leaving about 9:00 p.m. Why? I believe, to avoid communicating with others and refusing to compromise and more successfully assimilate himself into a shared living situation. I ask for your help in any way that you can. Thank you.

His judgments and behavior are troublesome for the rest of us.

Other annoying and nuisance things that occur daily is “S” walking around half-naked, not washing his hands before preparing food in the kitchen, exposing others to his dermatitis problems with his feet and hands, peeing while the bathroom door is open, slamming doors, sliding the noisy back door during sleeping/quiet hours (10 pm to 6 am), not flushing the toilet, leaving water running in the shower and bathroom sink, laughing ‘diabolically’, putting soiled dishes and silverware back into the kitchen cabinet, rambling verbally on-and-on, and doing things without asking others if it is the right time to do whatever.

Lately, I spend practically an hour a day cleaning up things “S” should be doing in the kitchen, bathroom, dining room, back of the house patio, and the front yard and patio. For instance, I have to rewash dishes, pans, and silverware that “S” uses and attempts to wash and dry. His smoking behavior is not friendly particularly for the family with children that live in 1559 Shoreview. Moore is out of town and cannot intervene. “K” is out of the country and cannot provide care for Scott’s needs.

His diet is questionable given his overweight. “S” mostly consumes white bread, American cheese sandwiches, toast with butter, and sometimes eats the meals delivered Monday through Friday from Samaritan House’s Mobil~Wheels program. A couple days ago, “S” threw five salads from Draeger’s (worth about $11 to $15 each) in the garbage, without consulting with anyone.

Last night, “S” was up during dark hours smoking in the back seating area. I awoke and found a mess of smoking materials in the front patio smoking area.

He (“S”) utters sounds [sounding like a dog, goose, or goul) while sitting by himself that are both intelligible and scare some passersby along Shoreview Avenue. His attempts to say high and be friendly are largely misunderstood and affects other residents’ interrelations with neighbors and strangers walking by.

In summary, he needs better medical care. I have lived with schizophrenics before and his overt behaviors are symptoms that his prescription medicines are NOT effective. Any future delays in seeking proper medical care only make matters worse.

“M” has been a ‘God’s send’ around here. He does not deserve to assume responsibilities for Scott’s physical, spiritual, and mental health.

As a house manager, “M” has much to be responsible for already. Is this now a ‘care home’?

pexels-photo-88808.jpeg

I hate to think that either “M” or “K” are educated, qualified, and licensed to supervise occupant’s health and personal needs.

It is not fair to them to have “S’s” issues dumped on them.

Today, I learned that a local restaurant gave “S” a job washing dishes. Yet at home he doesn’t. Such is irony. Can we discuss what needs to be purchased for our home? Not likely. But I tried on Sunday.

How can “S” keep a job, keep a place to live, and become healthy? These ought not be our responsibility nor our worries.

Sincerely,

David A. Dailey, Occupant in Room B, 1561 Shoreview, San Mateo, DADailey@gmail.com;

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s